Estrogen Boy
by KylaRyan
Summary: Wilson has a secret...and he needs House's help to keep it secret from the hospital nurses. Third Installment in Family Matters fanfic series. Warning:MajorCliffhanger! Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: "Estrogen Boy" begins a little over a year after "Thicker Than Water."

Disclaimer: I don't own House.

_**Chapter One: Patient**_

"He's in his office, Kyla," Nurse Emo said as Kyla approached the front desk.

"Thanks, Emo!" Kyla said as she headed towards the elevator.

"Tell him we're out of cherry lollipops again," Emo called.

"Will do, Emo," Kyla said as the elevator doors closed behind her.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

Kyla was humming a song when Wilson entered House's office.

"New song?" Wilson asked Kyla.

"Yeah...but it's for a class assignment," replied Kyla, sitting in House's chair.

"Where's House?"

"The clinic, eating all the cherry lollipops he stole from the nurses," replied Kyla. "Why?"

"I wanted to ask him to take a look at a patient of mine," explained Wilson.

"Exam room two."

"Thanks, Kyla."

"No problem."

housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Having fun?" Wilson asked House as he entered exam room two.

"Close the door--quick!" whispered House.

"Cuddy probably already knows you don't any patients in here," Wilson pointed out.

"She thinks that there's a nudist in here," replied House.

"Nudist?"

"Do you want me to look at your patient or not, Wilson?"

Suddenly it dawned on Wilson what House meant by "nudist."

"How did you find out?"

"Kyla saw the name on the file," replied House.

"Promise to keep it secret?"

"A false name for the ducklings...Banning them from the patient's room...I could do that. But who would draw blood for me?"

"Kyla could. I know you've been teaching that kind of thing since the shooting at her school over a year ago," replied Wilson.

"You realise your 'patient' has symptoms simallar to those of that C.E.O. I treated a while back?" remarked House, reading the file.

housemd housemd housemdhousemd housemd

House limped into the diagnostic office, tossing three files onto the table.

"What's this?" Cameron asked as she opened a file.

"Our newest patient," answered House.

"Who is James House?" Chase asked.

"My cousin," replied House, writing the symptoms on the whiteboard.

"There's no history," remarked Foreman.

"What room is he in?" added Cameron.

"That's because the patient has requested that I--and I alone--enter his hospital room," explained House.

"And why's that?" asked Chase.

"Because Cousin James is very shy and he'd likely have a panic attack if any one of you came in," replied House.

Kyla entered the diagnostic office at this point, dressed in turquoise scrubs.

"Why is Kyla dressed like that?" demanded Foreman.

"Meet James House's 'nurse,'" announced House.

Kyla beamed at House's statement.

"Need me to draw blood or anything, Doctor?" Kyla asked.

"Not yet. I'll page you later," replied House.

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

Kyla entered the darkened hospital room.

"James?" she called.

"Hey, Kyla," Wilson answered.

"House says he'll page me when he wants anything from you," Kyla told him before he could ask, with a slight smirk on her face.

"I hear Jamie's been asking you to go on a date," Wilson remarked.

"I don't to go out with your nephew, Wilson."

"Why's that?" Wilson asked.

Kyla's reply surprised Wilson. She kissed him full on the lips.

"Kyla...your dad will _kill_ both of us if he ever finds out that you just kissed me like that."

"I don't care."

"You should," Wilson replied.

"Be honest. You liked it," Kyla challenged.

"Just because I liked it doesn't mean a relationship between us will work."

"I know how much you find House attractive, Wilson."

"And?"

"If we ever got married, I wouldn't mind if you cheated on me with House," replied Kyla, "as long as I can cheat on you with Cuddy."

"You've inherited your father's sense of humor, Kyla."

"No, I'm serious!"

"Cuddy would never slept with you, Kyla."

"Cameron? One of the female nurses?"

"Nurse Emo might."

"Emo's a lesibian who _doesn't_ find me sexually attractive."

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

A/N:Chapter Two's coming as fast as I can type it up...which isn't all that fast...REVIEW!!!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two: Could it be Breast Cancer?**_

"Breast cancer," suggested Cameron, out of the blue.

"Uh, Cameron, we're talking about about a guy," Foreman pointed out.

"No, she has an excellent point. I'll go disscuss it with Wilson," remarked House, before disappearing.

"Breast cancer, Cameron?" asked Chase.

"Guys have breasts too," Cameron pointed out, making Foreman and Chase blush.

House reappeared at this point, making further conversation impossible. He handed Cameron a plastic bag full of vials of blood and urine.

"Kyla's performing the LP now," House said.

"What am I looking for?" Cameron asked.

"Any cancer protiens--especially breast, lung, and bone cancers," replied House.

Cameron nodded and left to run the tests.

"You two, go help Cameron or else work in the clinic," directed House, limping into his office as he spoke.

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

"James House...his cousin," Cameron spoke aloud.

"Isn't Wilson's first name 'James?'" asked Foreman.

"It is," Cameron agreed.

"And House would _never_ let Kyla do an LP unsurvised," added Chase.

"But I did," said House, making them jump. They hadn't realized he was there until he spoke.

"Is it Wilson we're treating?" demanded Cameron.

House nodded.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" demanded Foreman.

"And how come you're his attending?" added Chase.

"A, Wilson asked me not to tell you guys that he was the patient. B, I'm his attending because he came to me, not some other doctor," replied House.

"How is he?" asked Cameron.

"The arm pain is still his only symptom," replied House.

"You realize he could have what you had," Cameron pointed out.

"Foreman, get an angio of Wilson's left arm," directed House, walking--er, limping--to the phone.

"Who are you calling?" Foreman asked.

"Kyla."

"Why?" Chase asked.

"So Foreman can get in, Wombat Boy," answered House.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Nothing there. Cameron's second idea is out," announced House, looking at the results of Wilson's angiogram.

"It could be referred pain from some kind of cancer," suggested Foreman.

"It's very likely," House replied, crossing out the word "INFARCTION" on the white board.

"Why are we in Wilson's room again?" asked Chase.

"Because I want to keep my eye on Estrogen Boy," replied House.

Kyla got up to check on Wilson's vitals.

"How's he doing?" House asked Kyla.

"The sedative's taken affect," Kyla replied.

House must have heard something in Kyla's voice, because he said, "Cameron, Chase, Foreman, go home for the night. It's almost six, and there's nothing you can do today."

housemd housemd housemd housemd

A/N:REVIEW!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:I was asked by my boyfriend why House left Charity (Kyla's mother) when he did. So I deceided to intergrate the answer into this chapter. Hence the delay in updating.

_**Chapter Three: South of Perfection**_

_"Have you forgiven me for defending Wilson?" House asked Charity._

_"Greg, I was wrong, but I didn't know that then," Charity admitted._

_"It's your fault she grew up without a father," House reminded her._

_"I know, Greg," answered Charity._

_"I would have called you back, Charity. I would have forgiven you," House said._

_"All three of us suffered because of my unwillingness to see what you saw so eqasily, House. You ended up with a woman who left you in your greatest need, I loss the right to be a part of the lives of Sela and Kenneth, and Kyla grew up without knowing who her father was," replied Charity, "but I didn't come here tonight for this, Greg."_

_"Then why are you here?" demanded House._

_"Wilson's fun bags," Charity replied. Then she was gone._

housemd housemd hosuemd

"Where's House?" Cuddy demanded.

Kyla held up a hand over her eyes, as though a bright penlight was being shined into her eyes.

"What?" Cuddy asked, throughly annonied.

"I thought this was a _teaching hospital_."

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"You really are a lot like your father, Kyla."

House poked his head out of Wilson's room at this point, calling, "Hey, Cuddy! You're stealing my daughter's innonnce from her!"

"There you are! How's Wilson?" asked Cuddy.

"Oh, just fine," said House, adding, "I need to order a mammogram."

"A mammogram!!?!!" exclaimed Cuddy.

"For Wilson," replied Kyla with a smirk.

"Why?" demanded Cuddy.

"Because he might have breast cancer," replied House, entirely serious.

housemd hosuemd hosuemd hosuemd

Foreman and Chase had their hands full, making sure no one found out who was really getting a mammogram at three in the afternoon. Cameron and Kyla waited outside the room. House was inside, preparing Wilson for the mammogram.

housemd hosuemd housemd

Cameron entered House's office, bearing the results of the mammogram.

"House, there's something in the left breast," Cameron said.

"Let me see," House asked as Cuddy stuck into House's office.

Cameron handed him the envelope contained the mamogram. House removed it from the envelope and held it up to the light.

He soon found the mass that Cameron had mentioned.

Returning the mammogram to its envelope, House stood up.

"Where are you going?" demanded Cuddy, making Cameron jump.

"To get the opinion of an oncologist," replied House, limping out the door.

"Was that your mammogram?" Cuddy asked, surprising Cameron.

"No, it was Wilson's," Cameron explained.

"Why did House order one for you instead of for Wilson?"

"Because the nurses are gossips."

"Wilson asked House to do it?"

"Actually, he asked me to do it," Cameron corrected.

"Does House even know?"

Cameron shook her head.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

_My gift is my song  
And this one's for you  
And you can tell everybody  
That this is your song  
It maybe quite simple  
But now that it's done  
Hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind  
That I put down in words  
How wonderful life is now you're in the world_  
Wilson smiled as Kyla sung Ewan MacGregor's "Your Song" a cappella.

_Sat on the roof  
And I kicked off the moss  
Well some of the verses well  
They got me quite cross  
But the sun's been kind  
While I wrote this song  
It's for people like you that  
Keep it turned on_

House watched and listened as his daughter seduced the hospital's head of oncology--his best friend in all the world.

_So excuse me for forgetting  
But these things I do  
You see I've forgotten  
If they're green or they're blue  
Anyway the thing is what I really mean  
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

Wilson couldn't help but thinking that Kyla's blue and green eyes were the sweetest eyes he'd ever seen.

_And you can tell everybody  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple  
But now that it's done  
I hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

House looked thoughtfully at the way Kyla wasn't fully standing on her left leg.

_How wonderful life is now you're in the world  
I hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words  
How wonderful life is now you're in the world  
_Kyla kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you, James," she whispered in his ear.

Wilson felt a chill go up his spine.

_I'm falling head over heels for the daughter of my best friend,_ Wilson thought before Kyla kissed him again, this time on the lips.

Kyla utterly forgot the pain in her left leg as she kissed Wilson on the lips.

housemd housemd housmd housemd

House had no problems with what was going on inside Wilson's hospital room at that moment. In fact, he thought it was a good thing for both Kyla _and_ Wilson.

_He won't even dare cheat on Kyla if they got married,_ he thought with a smirk.

"HOUSE!!!!!!" yelled Cuddy from the end of the hallway furtherest from where House was standing.

House groaned inwardly. Cuddy wouldn't approve of Wilson making out with a seventeen-year-old--especially one that wouldn't be eighteen for eleven more months.

"What do you want?" House demanded as Cuddy strode towards him.

"There's a man in my office, and he says you did something to him in the clinic last week."

"Why'd it take him a whole week to complain about me to you?"

"He claims you injected him with a syringe full of smallpox," added Cuddy.

"I thought this was Plainsboro, New Jersey, not Atlanta, Georgia," retorted House.

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"Then come and see him. Perhaps you can explain his symptoms."

housemd housemd housemd housemd

NEXT CHAPTER: The head of psych ward makes an appearance, Cuddy learns the importance of poison ivy, and House finds that someone wants Wilson dead.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Love me, love my doctor! laughs

**Chapter Four: Suicide in the Psych Ward**

"Interesting. I can tell you what it is," House said after glancing at the complainer in Cuddy's office.

"What is it, then?" demanded Cuddy, slightly worried because if it were smallpox, then she would have to get a shot.

"Schizophrenia, for one."

"But he seemed perfectly sensible to me", replied Cuddy.

"Have you ever held a conversation with your wastebasket?" House inquired.

Cuddy looked in her office. House was right. The man was having an argument with her wastebasket...over whether Cuddy was single.

"And the rash?" Cuddy asked once she had recovered her voice.

"Poison ivy," replied House, as cool as a cucumber.

"But the scabs?"

"He must have scratched the affected areas until they bled", House mused.

The head of the psych ward, Doctor Amy Doyle, ran up to Cuddy.

"A patient escaped from the psych ward," she said once she had regained her breath.

"Is that him?" House asked, pointing into Cuddy's office. Doyle nodded.

"And the rash?" Cuddy asked.

"Poison ivy," replied the psychologist.

"Do you want to get him or should I?" asked Cuddy.

"I'll do it", replied Doyle, holding up a syringe so that Cuddy and House could see that it was two cc's of Hadirol.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Do the biopsy," Kyla said.

"But we need Wilson's consent," Chase pointed out.

"Don't worry about it, he's already signed the consent form for the biopsy," Kyla informed the ducklings.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Count backwards from ten," directed Chase.

"Ten, nine, eight..." said Wilson as the anthesia slowly took effect.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Doctor Cuddy?" called the hospital's general counsel, Kelly Belski, as she opened the door.

"What is it, Kelly?" Cuddy asked.

"There's a problem," replied Kelly.

Housemd housemd housemd

"Why did you stop the biopsy!?!" yelled House.

"You didn't get a consent form signed," replied Cuddy.

"Wilson could die if that thing in his breast is cancerous!" House continued to yell.

"Then why didn't he sign a consent form?" demanded Cuddy.

"He signed it! It's not my fault if your idiotic lawyer lost it!" House answered, still yelling at the top of his lungs.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd

House was yelling so loudly that everyone in the lobby could easily hear him.

"What happened?" Nurse trainee Hawkeye asked Nurse Brenda.

"Doctor Cuddy stopped a biopsy Doctor House had ordered for a patient," Brenda replied.

"Why would she do that?" asked another nurse trainee, whose name was "Rover". Seriously, it was.

"The patient didn't sign a consent form," Nurse Brenda explained.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Is it cancerous?" Wilson asked as House entered the room.

"No idea," replied House.

"But the biopsy?"

"Cuddy stopped it."

"Why?"

"Apparently you didn't sign a consent form."

"But I did."

"I know. I think Belski lost it."

"Deliberately?"

House nodded.

"Why would she do that?" Wilson asked.

House shrugged.

Housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I was trying to keep myself a few chapters ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Try Again and Again**

"I personally delivered the consent form into Belski's hand," House told Wilson. "Now start counting backwards from ten."

"Ten, nine, eight..." said Wilson.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

Kelly entered Cuddy's office.

Cuddy looked up and asked, "What is it now, Kelly?"

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

"He's yelling at her again," remarked Nurse Emo.

"I wonder if Belski has it in for him," mused Nurse-trainee Cristy.

"It sure seems like she does," agreed her twin sister, Nurse-trainee Crystal.

"Quiet, you two!" reprimanded Nurse Emerson.

"Emerson, it's only harmless musings," chided Emo.

"Belski might not take it that way," replied Emerson.

hosuemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

"Okay, what's the plan?" asked Kyla.

House proceeded to explain his plan.

"That should work," agreed Foreman, "count me in."

"Me too," said Cameron.

"Me three," volunteered Kyla.

"Me four," piped up Chase.

"Then let's do this," said House.

hosuem housemd housemd housemd

"Why is Cameron video-taping me signing the consent form?" Wilson asked House.

"Proof that you signed that consent form," replied House.

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

"What is Kyla doing?" Belski asked House as he handed her the signed consent form.

"Filming shots of the hospital for a class project," replied House.

"What class?"

"Film 102," replied House

housemd housemd housemd hosuemd

"Okay, count down from ten," Chase directed Wilson.

Wilson did as he was asked, making it to seven before the anthesia took effect.

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd hosuemd

Belski entered Cuddy's office for the third time in three days.

"What is it this time?" Cuddy asked, though she could already guess what was wrong.

"There's a problem," Belski said.

hosuemd hosuemd housemd housemd

"Why are you stopping, Foreman?" Cameron demanded. "We know that Wilson signed that consent form. We know that House gave it to Belski. And we know that Wilson will likely die if this biopsy isn't done soon."

"And if Wilson dies, our lives will be terrible for the rest of our lives," added Chase.

housemd housemd hosuemd housemd

"Do you even have proof that Doctor Wilson signed a consent form?" demanded Belski.

"Actually, I do," replied House, "I just need to page my witness."

"Go right ahead," replied Cuddy, wondering what House was up to.

housemd housemd housemd housemd housemd

Kyla was sitting upside down in Hosue's chair, listening to her dad's Ipod, when House's pager chirped. Taking it out of her pocket, Kyla read the message on its lit screen: **2CUDDYSTAT.BRINGCAM.**

hosuemd housemd housemd housemd

"You paged?" asked Kyla as she entered Cuddy's office, video camera in hand.

"Yes, I did," replied House.

"What do you need?" Kyla asked.

"Your camera, please," answered House. Kyla handed him the camera.

housem housemd housemd housemd

Chase looked at the sample under the microscope.

"It's benign," he said.

Everyone released a collective sigh of relief.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

House pressed the play button:

_"Hey, Wilson! We're trying for a _third_ time on this biopsy!" yelled House. The camera followed him into Wilson's hospital room._

_"Hand me the form and a pen, House," directed Wilson._

_House handed Wilson a clipboard and a pen. The clipboard had a consent form on it. Wilson signed it, then handed the pen and the clipboard back to House. House showed the clipboard with the signed consent form to the camera._

_"Why is Cameron video-taping me signing the consent form?" Wilson asked House._

_"Proof that you signed that consent form," replied House._

House stopped the clip.

"So Wilson signed it. That doesn't mean anything unless I have the consent form," replied Belski.

"Exhibit B, please," House directed Kyla, who had already queued up the next clip:

_"Okay, Kyla, if you sit right here, you should have a good view of the interior of Belski's office," House's voice said from somewhere off-camera._

_"Okay, House, go get 'em," Kyla's voice replied, making House chuckle._

_House limped over to Belski's office and knocked._

_"Come in!" called Belski, her voice muffled by distance and the closed door._

_House entered and handed her the consent form. Belski asked House something, but the camera was too far away to hear what she said, nor could House's reply be heard._

_"Kyla! What are you doing?" Nurse Cat's voice asked._

_"I'm making a movie for a class assignment," Kyla's voice explained._

Kyla stopped the clip at this point.

"May I turn my camera off now?" Kyla asked. "The batteries are getting low."

"Ladies?" House asked Belski and Cuddy.

"Go ahead, Kyla," directed Cuddy, adding, "House, Kyla, please leave. I wish to speak with Belski alone."

House and Kyla left as quietly as they could.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

"How are you feeling?" House asked Wilson.

"Better," replied Wilson.

"Good."

"Where's Kyla?"

"Making something for you," replied House with a grin.

housemd housemd housemd housemd

A/N: one more chapter to go...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update this story...

Chapter Six: Kyla's Surprise

Cameron wheeled in her laptop on a cart into Wilson's room. Kyla's camera was hooked up to it. Foreman, Chase, and Kyla joined them.

"Foreman, close the blinds," directed House.

"Chase, turn off the lights," added Kyla.

"Hit play, Ky," directed House once everyone was ready for the home movie.

_"See that? They all assume I'm a patient because of this cane."_

_All that could be seen were the backs of Jamie and Kyla's legs._

_"So put on a white coat like the rest of us," Jamie suggested._

_"I don't want them to think I'm a doctor."_

_"You see why the administration might have a problem with that attitude."_

_"People don't want a sick doctor." _

_"Fair enough. I don't like healthy patients. The twenty-nine-year-old female-"_

_"The one that can't talk? I like that part." _

_Camera panned up to reveal Jamie's face as he said, "She's my cousin."_

_Then the camera revealed Kyla's face, accompanied by semi-dramatic music._

_"And your cousin doesn't like the diagnosis. I wouldn't either. Brain tumor. She's gonna die. Boring." _

_As she made to leave, Jamie followed her and remarked, "No wonder you're such a reknowned diagnostician. You don't need to actually know anything to figure out what's wrong."_

_Kyla whined, "You're the oncologist. I'm just a lowly infectious disease guy." _

_"Ha. Yes, just a simple country doctor. Brain tumor's at her age are highly unlikely." _

_"She's twenty-nine. Whatever she's got is highly unlikely." _

"Kyla, you look a lot like your father," remarked Wilson.

"Just took a "cane" and a "limp" for you to notice the family resemblence?" House asked.

_"None of which is even close to dispositive. All it does is raise one question: your cousin goes to an HMO?" Kyla asked as she popped a couple mints that looked a lot like Vicodin. _

At least that was what everyone assumed it was.

_"Come on. Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What's the point of putting together a team if you're not gonna use them? You've got three over-qualified doctors work--"_

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kyla without warning, falling to the floor and squirming in pain.

House was at her side in a instant.

"Kyla! Where does it hurt?" he shouted, trying to be heard over her screams of pain.

"She's clutching her leg, maybe that's what hurts?" observed Cameron.

"Chase, Foreman, hold her down!" ordered House.

Chase forced her arms apart and held them and her head down.

Foreman straightened her legs and held them down to keep her from accidently kicking House in his bad leg.

When he straightened her left leg, Kyla screamed even louder...if that was even possible.

"What's going on in here?!" asked Nurse Deena as she entered the room.

House yelled at the nurse for "POINT-THREE MILLIGRAMS OF MORPHINE! STAT!!!"

Deena took one look at Kyla and was gone.

"I hope she's getting the morphine," muttered House.

Cameron was busy with Wilson, who was trying to get to Kyla.

"Wilson, you'll tear your stitches!" Cameron yelled at the oncologist.

"I DON"T CARE!!!" snapped Wilson.

"Wilson, you can't do anything that House, Chase, or Foreman aren't already doing!" countered Cameron.

Cuddy and Nurse Deena entered the room. Deena appeared to be sans morphine, to House's annoyance.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!" shrieked Cuddy, since Kyla was still screaming.

"Kyla's in pain!" shouted Chase.

"Where's the dmn morphine!?!" demanded House.

"Here, doctor!" called Deena, surprising House when she handed him a syringe of morphine. And in the requested amount too.

House didn't take the time to find a vein, he just stabbed Kyla in the leg and injected the syringe of morphine.

Kyla stopped screaming as soon as the morphine took effect.

"Kyla?" House called.

He got no response from Kyla, because she had passed out from the combined effects of the pain and the morphine...

housemd housemd housemd housemd

_What's wrong with Kyla? Find out in the next installment of _Family Matters"Inherited Condition"_...coming soon to _


End file.
